Choosing Joy…How to protect your family’s mental health during Covid-19.

So here we are. We have been living through a pandemic for around 6 months now. Who would have EVER thought?! I have to admit…in the beginning I took this whole thing on as an adventure. Obviously my heart went out to those who were sick or directly affected by this virus but I tried to make home/virtual schooling, mask wearing, staying home, etc. as positive and exciting as possible for our family. I told my kids how they were living through what would be a big moment in history that their kids and grandkids would learn about someday. We played outside, filled out time capsules about what life was like and how they felt about missing out on things. We ordered an air track (tumbling mat) and floor bars from the internet so my daughter could keep up with gymnastics as much as possible and I looked for ways to make silly little ordinary things more special and exciting like buying chocolate milk again (something I hadn’t done much since the kids were little). We took on “At Home School” as an opportunity to enjoy school in jammies, science experiments, virtual field trips, and learning about things we were interested in. Although it was an emotional roller coaster (fear, stress, worry, excitement, hope), the general feeling was one of coming together and caring for one another. People were putting teddy bears and rainbows in their windows to spread happiness and give kids something to do/look for when there was little else to do. Families and kids were getting outside and doing sidewalk chalk, and hiking trails, going for walks and playing together. Teachers were doing parades through neighborhoods to visit the kids that they missed and who missed them dearly and there were “birthday parades” to celebrate those who were missing out on typical birthday parties. Everyone was doing their best to support small businesses and making it a point to order carry-out from restaurants who could no longer keep their dining rooms open. People were donating to grocery/food drives and food banks like never before.

But I don’t think at the time anyone could really imagine this lasting more than a couple of months. As time went on things changed. It was becoming obvious things would not be returning to normal anytime soon. The list of things that people were missing out on and cancellations was growing. Everyone started growing restless, stressed out and angry. Political and equal rights issues added to the division and anger in everyone and suddenly things like wearing a mask were enormous issues of controversy and arguments.

This new anger and hate became the most widespread and toxic symptom of Covid 19 in many ways. I know I have been feeling it. It’s like we are going through the motions of life and new routines but everything is watered down and lacking joy. It also feels like you can’t count on or look forward to anything because of the uncertainty of whether it will actually happen or not. Then one day I was at the store with my daughter waiting to check out (with masks on, 6 feet behind the people in front of us…our new “normal”). I glanced over at the line next to us to see this adorable baby probably somewhere between 6-8 months old. I always smile at babies and they always seem to give me a huge smile back (which is helpful as a photographer). So even though my mask was on, I smiled hoping she could tell by my eyes and she started smiling back and giggling. Then I looked around the store and it hit me. Every single person with masks on. Everything getting wiped down and sanitized. This has been this baby’s entire life. It’s all she knew. How is this going to leave our children? Even older children who have lived a normal life up until now. Childhood is so short and 6 months is already a good chunk of that. We may not be able to make this virus go away, but you can change the negativity, anger, hatred, etc. that is poisoning their environment and all of our lives. How?

Take Care of YOU!

If you are struggling, your family and friends will feel it too. You can take control of your personal environment by removing many of the toxic things in your life that make you feel angry, stressed, worried, etc. Replace those with things that bring you joy. Make a list of both the toxic things and joyful things if you need to and refer to it daily to see where you are spending your time. Here are some specific ways to make positive changes:

• Deep Clean Your Social Media. This can be hard because some of the people who post things that get our blood going are people we genuinely like in real life, but it is soooo important. Social media is such a part of our lives and for many of us, businesses so it can be difficult to take a break from it altogether. You can control what pops into your feed and your LIFE every day though. Think about how a post makes you feel and if the person posting it makes these kind of posts often. Maybe it’s time to take a break from them on social media. You don’t have to “unfriend” them but social media platforms like Facebook have options to “snooze” people for 30 days, or unfollow them. The people won’t know you have done this, but you won’t see their posts anymore. If you want to see what they have been up to later you can always go to their page or follow them again. I recommend this over “unfriending” people (unless you decide you really just don’t like the person and have no interest in ever communicating with them again) for several reasons. Unfriending feels like something done out of anger and like a “take that” kind of move, which isn’t what we are going for. You are doing this for you and as a positive move for your life, not to be spiteful. Also, although people won’t see that you unfriended them, you will probably eventually pop up again as a “recommended friend” and they will then know that you unfriended them at some point. For me, my deep cleaning means I now “unfollow” anyone who is posting:

1. Conspiracy Theories
2. Inaccurate or unproven information (regarding anything Covid, Political related or otherwise) Most people are too lazy to take the time to make sure what they are posting is 100% accurate and true (if that is even really possible to do anyway) and it is VERY irresponsible to share information just because it supports your personal opinion.
3. Attack photos (photo taken and shared with only the intent to make someone look bad or hypocritical and no other purpose or value).
4. Constant negative opinions about things going on.
5. Memes or “articles” that are posted with no intent other than to get people who may see things differently than you do angry or fired up. Keep in mind these are often disguised as “sharing information” but unless the person posting it is an expert on the topic it is really just them sharing their OPINION because you can find information to support your own agenda no matter what it is if you just look.
6. Political negativity. This one is going to get worse as we get closer to election time. I don’t want to see posts attacking EITHER candidate. Politicians aren’t great people for the most part. We already know this. Show me the good. Show me why I should vote for someone and what they will do to make things better. Even if you already 100% know how you will vote (which I am guessing is true for most), seeing negative stuff still fuels your mind with negativity even if you agree with it! Better yet, don’t post it at all and show me pictures of your kids, pets, hobbies or what you are having for dinner. Your Meme isn’t going to change my mind on election day.
7. People who leave you feeling yucky. Maybe you casually know someone in real life and run into them from time to time at the gym, or at your child’s sport activities, school, etc. and you get along with them there and enjoy talking to them enough but their posts on social media always annoy and frustrate you even though you can’t exactly put your finger on the reason why. Maybe they are constantly bragging about something, seem too preachy or like they are better than everyone, post hateful or hypocritical things or just generally annoy you and leave you feeling yucky. There often are two versions of people: The “in-person” version and the “social media” version. You don’t have to be friends with both. Unfollow them.

• Connect With Positive People Whether it’s “in person” or on social media, find people who are positive and enjoy some of the same uplifting activities that you do. Maybe it’s a church group, book club, fitness group, or a group for a specific hobby. We all are looking for interaction with others right now and finding people who are ready and willing to interact with others about things not controversial is a treasure!

• Busy Yourself With New Hobbies/Projects Even though for the most part this whole year has been, well…crappy, there have been a lot of positive things to come out of it. One of them is time. Prior to all of this I remember feeling like there just weren’t enough hours in the day and it was almost impossible to get everything that HAD to be done completed, let alone anything I wanted to do for enjoyment or satisfaction. I have taken advantage of the extra time we have had to spend more time on my hobbies, take up some new ones, exercise more, complete projects and updates around the house. You know what? I realized how essential it is for your happiness to take time for these things. Spending your entire day running from one place to the next just trying to stay on schedule is exhausting and doesn’t bring much joy. It’s so important to throw in something you enjoy or that brings you a sense of accomplishment or pride!

• Read Reading is something I seldom have time for anymore, so it’s one of the things I have used our newfound “extra” time to do. Reading is so great because it takes all of your focus and attention which can take you away on a mental vacation for a little while. Whether it’s fiction or maybe an uplifting or motivational book, reading is a great way to choose what you put into your mind and day.

• Health I know it sounds preachy but taking care of your health is also an important part of taking care of your mind. Exercise is a great way to relieve stress. Whether you take a nice walk or run in the evenings, take up a new sport or exercise as a hobby or set a goal for yourself to achieve a record lifting weights or lose a few pounds, it will feel great to get out and burn off some negative energy and feel the accomplishment of a great workout. Good foods also play a part in your mood. Putting things into your body that fuel it and give you energy instead of eating things that make you feel stuffed and bloated is so important for not only a healthy body, but a healthy mind.

• Take “Spa Time” For Your Mind Whether it’s making time for prayer, meditation, reading daily devotions or inspirational quotes, take some time to shut down from everything going on around you and fill your mind with positive every day. Here are some great resources for that:

https://www.facebook.com/ourdailybread

https://www.insightoftheday.com/

• Be Kind There are Facebook Groups popping up all over the country called “The Sisterhood of the Traveling Spirits” or something similar. You can most likely find one of these groups for your local area. The idea is to spread some joy and positivity during these times. You simply join the group and share your address and members of the group deliver goody baskets filled with treats, trinkets and usually alcohol to your door. It has been so much fun and the best part is that members of the group are enjoying the giving more than the receiving. Some of these people are seriously addicted and have shelves full of goodies in their home ready to put together for their next round of deliveries! Why?! Because it feels good to make someone happy. What a super power that is really! YOU have the ability to make someone happy. To bring joy into someone’s life! That’s crazy to think about really because it’s so easy to do yet how often do we think to do it? And not only does it bring joy to others but in return it will bring joy to you as well. Why wouldn’t we want to do that all the time? Instead we so often choose to spread “opinions” and hate which is toxic for everyone. Think about your actions throughout the day- especially before you hit “post” on social media (I go back to this a lot because I truly believe this is where the true pandemic of hate and division is spreading like wildfire). What is your purpose (do you really think you are accomplishing anything?) and how are you making others and yourself feel by posting? Go to Starbucks and buy someone’s coffee for them instead! Or paint some rocks with positive messages on them and leave them for others to find and enjoy!

The Kids

I can’t even wrap my mind around what this is like for all of the kids growing up and trying to enjoy childhood through all of this. Just think about how short childhood really is and every canceled event or activity is a really big deal for them! As parents and adults we need to set the mood in our homes and their lives and do our best to produce happy activities and memories for them. Besides taking care of yourself in all the ways listed above, here are some other things you can do:

• Find some normalcy…even if it’s a “new” normal. Kids are used to routines and schedules. Although it’s nice to have a break from a busy schedule sometimes, I think it’s important to have something you can count on and look forward to and many of their normal activities don’t provide that for them right now. Maybe it’s dessert night, game night, movie night, family field trip days, or whatever will give your family something to look forward to regularly.
• Chores/Allowance. I know this one doesn’t sound fun or exciting for kids but I think it’s so important for their mental health and happiness. School and sports bring responsibility and accomplishments into their lives. With those things either not happening or looking a lot different, they are missing that whether they realize it or not. It’s a great time to start a chore routine if they don’t already have one (or maybe add to it if they already do)! Maybe reward them with the promise of something fun or an allowance for keeping up with their chores.
• Get Away. We all really need to just take some time to “get away” from it all at some point I think. We are trying to live our normal lives in a world and time where everything is very abnormal and it’s exhausting. Getting away whether it’s for a mini vacation or even just a fun day and forgetting about everything is great for the whole family. Go camping, boating, hiking, or for a road trip and leave the world behind.
• Be Positive and “Go with the flow”! Your worry= their worry. Your kids pick up on your stress or worry and that makes them worried too. Think back to when you were a kid and how safe your parents made you feel. As long as they seemed like everything was ok, everything seemed ok. It’s important to talk to your kids about what’s going on and the seriousness of it all, but also ensure them that you are doing everything you can to stay safe and get through this and teach them what they can do as well. It’s super stressful trying to navigate through the choices of how to do school this year and what everything will look like, but try and reassure them that no matter what choices you make, everyone is going through the same thing and they will be taken care of. If you come across as frustrated and hopeless, they will feel the same thing.
• Say Yes! Ok, maybe not to EVERYTHING, but right now the world is saying “no” to these kiddos and awful lot. No sports, no school, no parties, no festivals and carnivals, and on and on. So when my kids come to me asking for something or if we can do something I am saying “yes” as often as I can. We are now the proud owners of a baby bearded dragon as a result of this. 🙂
• Talk to them. In all of the chaos of trying to navigate our way through everything, it can be easy to overlook how kids must be feeling from day to day. Ask them. Most likely if you ask a kid how they are feeling you are going to get the response “fine” so maybe ask specific questions. What are they most sad to have missed out on? What are they worried about missing in the future? What is something they would really like to do right now? Are they worried about themselves or a loved one getting sick? More than anything it’s just a good way for them to get any worries or frustrations out and also know that you care about their feelings but you might also be able to use this information to help create some fun ideas to make up for things they miss out on.